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presents
The Ultimate Collection of rejected Brand Slogans
mindspaceagency.com
Olive Garden
When you’re here, your family probably gave you a gift card.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Kraft
Inventors of the patented cheez whizzing process.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Starbucks
Milkshakes, but with caffeine.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Brunswick Bowling
We’re pretty sure that spray kills all the germs.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Marlboro
Would it kill you to try one?
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Milk
Do you have some of this milk?
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Best Buy
Thousands of possibilities that you can’t possibly afford right now.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Kraft
A slaughterhouse for cheese.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Mentos
You weren’t actually going to drink that whole bottle of soda, right?
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Nike
Just do it. Or just look like you do.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Burger King
Have it your way. Unless your way isn’t on the menu.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
IKEA
The meatballs are there for you IF you find your way out.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
John Deere
Nothing runs like a deer. Except a cheetah when it’s chasing a deer.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Jaguar
We say our name funny.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Nescafe
For women who spend the weekend with their cat.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Sherwin-Williams
Cover the earth until you’ve killed every living thing with paint.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Raisin Bran
Two scoops of Precambrian-era petrified raisins.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Maxwell House
Good till the last drop. Not great. Good.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Louis Vuitton
Why buy a cheap knock-off when you can pay $2,700 for a bag everyone will assume is a cheap knock-off?
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Walmart
We’re all God’s children. Remember that.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Gap
In every generation, we have a two-year window where we’re cool again.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
ARBY’S
We have the meat sweats.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Immodium
This sh*t needs to stop.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Little Debbie
For those who can’t afford to splurge on Hostess.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
McDonald’s Chicken Tenders
The 100% chicken alternative to whatever we’ve been putting in McNuggets for the last 30 years.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
U.S. Election Day
The magical combination of Christmas Eve and the night before a colonoscopy.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Zoom
Enjoy the convenience of pants-optional sales meetings.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Saturn
Hey, at least we’re not Yugo!
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Comcast
The #1 choice of people without any other option.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Unisys
If you know what we do, there’s an excellent chance your imaginary girlfriend is a half-elf.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Altiods
Free mints included in every blunt storage case.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
The Onion
It was supposed to be satire, Florida. SATIRE!!
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Smucker’s
We respectfully argue that our jam is good precisely because of our funny name.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Schlitz Beer
It’s the Schlitz!
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Viagra
Just try it. How hard can it be?
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Taco Bell
Come’on Chopped! The whole “make-multiple-meals-out-of-the-same-four-mystery-ingredients” thing was OUR idea!!!
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Reader’s Digest
Your number one source of pictures of old people on rollerblades.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Coca-Cola
Open happiness. Close your eyes to the sugar content.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Tupperware
Eat. Store. Toss.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Juicy Juice
In case you didn’t know what juice was.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
MTV
Now with music videos. Just kidding.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Depend
Sleep through the night and wake up to an incontinental breakfast.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Brylcreem
We’ll keep making this stuff until our last customer dies of old age ... say 2012?
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Ball Park Franks
In the ball park of meat.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
McRib
Once every couple of years, we’ve accumulated enough grill scrapings in trace amounts to re-release this sandwich.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Boeing
We’ll blow the doors off of your expectations.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Baby Ruth
Inspiring hilarious pool pranks since 1921.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
L’oreal
Because you’re worth $9.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Olive Garden
For those days when microwaving your own frozen Italian food is just too overwhelming.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.
Monopoly
The fun way to ruin friendships since 1935.
The slogans on this card have been completely made up by the Mindspace content team based on patented techniques including “satire” and “completely making sh*t up”. Mindspace regrets the abundant lawsuits that await us.